Selling a Home During Divorce
One house, two people who have to agree, handled without taking sides.
I Work for Both of You
Usually one of you has been given my name, and that is the call I get. But once this starts, I am working for both of you at the same time, and I want to be clear about that from the first conversation.
The reason is structural rather than diplomatic. You own this house together. Selling it well is what gives each of you the funds to go and buy the next thing. That is a shared interest even when very little else is, and it means my job is to get the best result for the asset, not to be one person's advocate against the other.
If you were expecting to hire someone who would be on your side against your spouse, I am not that, and it is better to know now.
It Is Usually Not a Fight
Almost everything written for this situation assumes conflict. Most of what I actually see is not that.
It is usually quieter. Sad and fairly final. Two people who have decided, who are not especially angry, and who now have a practical and rather large task in front of them that neither of them wants to be doing.
So I am not going to write to you as though you are at war. If that is genuinely where you are, I can work in that too, and I will say more below about how. But the common version of this is two reasonable people wanting it handled properly so they can both get on with it.
You Both Get Exactly the Same Information. That Is the Whole Thing.
If I had to name one thing that decides whether these sales go smoothly, it is this, and it is not a close call.
Both of you get the same information, at the same time, every time. Not a summary to one and the detail to the other. Not whoever happens to call me that afternoon getting an update the other has not had. The same showing feedback, the same offers, the same recommendation, the same numbers.
At the start we agree three things explicitly:
- The plan. What we are doing, in what order, so neither of you is guessing.
- How each of you wants to be communicated with. You may not want the same thing, and that is fine. One of you may want a call, the other an email they can read at their own pace. Both work, as long as the content is identical.
- My pledge that everything is fair. Said out loud, at the beginning, so it is something you can hold me to rather than something you are hoping for.
Doing it this way removes the single most corrosive thing that can happen here, which is one person starting to wonder whether they are getting the full picture. Once that takes hold it is very hard to undo, and it usually has nothing to do with anything I actually did.
This Sale Is What Starts the Next Thing
Worth saying plainly, because it is easy to lose sight of while you are in it.
This is not just a transaction to get through. The proceeds are what set each of you up to buy something new and begin the next part. That makes getting the price and the terms right genuinely important to both of you, not a detail to be rushed because the whole subject is uncomfortable.
It also means I am going to ask you both to make real decisions, at a time when deciding anything is tiring. I will make that as easy as I can by bringing you clear options and a recommendation rather than a set of questions.
It is also why, if the two of you do not agree on whether to accept an offer, I am not going to hand you a recommendation and leave you to it. You will both get the same recommendation and the same reasoning, and I will be straight with you both about what is actually on the line. If one of you had $800,000 in mind and the offer is $780,000, I will say out loud that $780,000 ends this and gets you both into the next part of your lives. Sometimes that is the thing that matters most and sometimes it is not, but you should both be weighing it.
And it means the house still gets the full treatment. Professional photography and video, targeted campaigns, proper prep. I have vetted people for staging and repairs, which matters when neither of you may still be living there. That is the Simple Selling Method™, run the same way it is on every listing I take.
If It Is Harder Than That
Sometimes it is not quiet, and I would rather address that than pretend otherwise.
When communication between the two of you has broken down, the structure above matters more rather than less. Everything in writing, both of you copied, no verbal side conversations that the other person did not hear. I will not carry messages between you, and I will not be drawn into anything that is not about the house. That is not me being unhelpful. It is the only way I can stay genuinely useful to you both.
I am a Certified Negotiation Expert and I negotiate collaboratively rather than as a contest. In this situation that applies as much to the two of you as it does to the buyer.
One practical thing worth knowing before the listing appointment rather than at it: both of you have to sign the listing agreement, and both of you have to sign at closing. If one of you will not, that stops being something I can solve and becomes a matter for your attorneys.
What I do not do is give legal advice about your divorce. That is your attorney's work and I will stay in my lane.
Where to Start
The first useful step is usually a number, because almost every other decision depends on it and neither of you can plan without it. I will put together a real one on your actual house, and it is not an automated estimate.
From there we agree the plan and the communication, and then it runs like any other listing. Weekly updates to you both, showing feedback within 24 hours to you both, and every listing tracked against my 10-10-0 rule so nothing drifts.
I have been licensed since 2006, I am a REALTOR® and the Broker/Owner of Referred Realty Group with REAL Broker, and I hold the GRI and Certified Negotiation Expert designations.
If one or both of you is buying again here afterward, that runs on its own method. General selling is here. Otherwise get in touch and we will start with the number, or look around the rest of the site first.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you represent one of us or both?
Both. You own the house together and selling it well is what gives each of you the funds for what comes next, so that part is a shared interest. I am not one spouse's advocate against the other, and I would rather say that at the start than have anyone expecting otherwise.
How do I know my spouse is not getting information I am not?
Because you both get the same information at the same time, every time. Same showing feedback, same offers, same recommendation, same numbers. We agree that at the beginning, along with how each of you prefers to be contacted, so it is something you can hold me to.
What if we are not really on speaking terms?
Then the structure matters more, not less. Everything in writing with both of you copied, no side conversations the other did not hear, and I will not carry messages between you. That is the only way I can stay useful to you both.
Can you advise us on how the proceeds should be split?
No. That is your attorney's work and I will stay in my lane. What I can do is make sure the house sells for what it should, because that is the part that affects what there is to divide.
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